The Airing Cupboard

mad bunny       It had been exactly fifteen minutes since Matthew Mattison had left the devastating note on his mother’s chest of drawers; next to the blackened used cotton wool and parked upright by a fading photo of a dog she had owned for a short period of time when she had been ten.

It had been an exhausting day. He had been forced to recover from at least two tantrums both of which were not taken as seriously as he would have liked. The first had erupted after he had been made to attend a gym class at 8.30am even though it was a Saturday and he had planned to create a lego house for his new toy car that he had demanded the week before. The second had come to fruition after attending said gym class his heartless mother had refused to buy him a milkshake to make up for the inconvenience of it all.

So that was it. He had written his missive.

He was quite proud of it actually. He had discreetly taken a page from his father’s writing pad in his bureau and borrowed not just a thick envelope that he didn’t have to lick to seal, it came with its own glue but his dad’s best pen – which coincidentally he had decided to keep on his person as a consolation for having to sit in the airing cupboard to make his point.

As Matthew Mattison sat next to the aging boiler that hissed and creaked he rested his head against the soothing warmth of the wall and imagined the best scenario that could come from his letter.

Upon reading it, his mother would throw her hands up and wail, beating her chest as her sobs racked her and brought in his father from garden where he was currently picking out weeds.  He would rush to her aid and tear it from her both reading and comforting her as the words made their inevitable impact upon him:

‘By the time you read this, I will be gone. It is clear you don’t love me and never will. Don’t come after me, you will never find me. Farewell mother and father and may we meet in Heaven someday. I hope you have a child that you truly love one day. M.M’

It was cramped in the cupboard. Matthew Mattison tried to stretch his tiny frame but all too soon met the edge of the airing cupboard where he had decided to hide. His plan was to hide out for as long as possible to shock his parents into realizing how much they loved and missed him and then dramatically turn up – maybe around suppertime, he was pretty sure Saturday night was lasagna night, his favourite –  and then he wouldn’t have to attend gym class ever again and he would get that milkshake because they would be so happy to see him.

Twenty minutes. Why was it so quiet? It was slightly irritating to him that he hadn’t been missed for twenty minutes – what were they doing? To amuse himself he tried to make shadows with his toes using the fractured light that was filtering weakly through the crack between the door and its frame.  That soon became dull and he decided to tap out a tune they had learned in Mr. Darwin’s music class the previous day.

Twenty-five minutes. Droplets of sweat were beginning to congregate at the nape of his neck and tickle his spine. Faint pangs of hunger were starting to cramp his belly and he was just about to wonder whether it was all worth it when he heard voices coming up the stairs. This was it!

Eagerly and with a smile broadening across his face he shifted closer to the door so he could hear their reaction.

‘David, are you finished in the garden yet?’ His mother was saying

‘I think so – my back is aching from all that weeding’ his gruff voice returned.

The door to their bedroom was opened and Matthew Mattison who was in the airing cupboard adjacent to their bedroom rolled to his right and placed his hot ear to the wall so he could hear the moment the letter was discovered.

Drawers were being opened and shut and he could hear his mother shutting the windows and closing the blinds.

The sound of the shower in the en-suite was next, its water pattering against the tiles like tropical rain.

Matthew Mattison sighed with annoyance. When were they going to see his letter?

More shuffling and then he heard the shower curtain being pulled back and forth.

Surely his mother would notice while his father took his shower?

Giggles.

This was unexpected. Matthew Mattison’s heart stopped. What? His parents hated him that much that they had read the letter and found it funny? Shocked and perturbed, Matthew Mattison crawled towards the back of the cupboard where it was dusty. His hands were filthy from the floorboards and as he wiped them on his shorts he was stopped short yet again by a groan. Maybe finally his parents had stopped laughing and realized it wasn’t a joke – their son had actually gone.

More groaning. This was more like it. Devastation.

With complacency he relaxed against the wall, happy and comforted that his plan was working. He had just closed his eyes awaiting a more in-depth conversation when he heard the en-suite door bang as though someone had opened it yet the shower was still running. And then, terrible sounds, horrible sounds. The banging of a headboard against the flock wallpaper, moaning and groaning that got louder and louder. Without really knowing what he was hearing, Matthew Mattison knew that this wasn’t the behavior of two terrified and shocked parents but two people…two people….

Horrified, Matthew Mattison scuttled back to the door of the airing cupboard and tried to open it but couldn’t. The noise from his parent’s bedroom was becoming excessive. They were actually enjoying what they were doing. He’d heard rumours of an act mummies and daddies were supposed to do but had never really equated that with his. His mum and dad were far too angry and annoyed all the time when he was around to do that.

Panicked now he pushed against the door.

The bed next door continued to push again the wallpaper

Again and again he leaned his whole body against the door. To escape, for it all to be over. He tried putting his fingers in his ears but it was no use. He banged against the door with one last almighty push…

His mother screamed just as the door gave way and Matthew Mattison fell out the airing cupboard wet and sweaty like a newborn baby.airing cupboard

Silence

And then…

‘Darling, what’s that on your bedside table?’

Rustling as the envelope was opened and read.

‘Oh so he’s gone has he? Well thank god for that. It means I can have you again my sweet…’

Muffled giggles soared through the door and into the hallway where Matthew Mattison lay still on the carpet his eyes open with shock, his mind replaying and replaying and replaying and replaying…..

Martha and the Chemical Rain

Many moons ago, when my parents would come and visit me at university the first time around, they would refuse to use the bathroom in my student house citing how unhygienic it was (student bathroom? Dirty? No!) This little story was inspired by their distaste for all things student…

For my Parents

Martha ignored the looks and tuts as she pushed through the crowd to reach her friend Carrie who was near the front.

‘What have they got for us today Carrie?’ She asked trying to peer over the head of Carrie’s husband.

‘Just Brown today I’m afraid although there was a little bit of Green earlier but that went quick as usual’

Martha sighed. As they inched forward to get their rations from the official at the Rim she pondered over what a struggle life was. She mindlessly thought about how futile things were and how repetitive their days seemed. Every day was the same. Wake up, wave off Richard as he went to work at the Steel Bridge and then walk to the Rim to try and pick up some food for the evening; all the while grieving for her lost children and all of this under the constant threat of Chemical Rain.

Chemical Rain – one of the many blights that made life so difficult. Everyone knew the drill; they got taught it from the first day at school – it was mandatory. The Chemical Rain could strike at any moment but there were clues you could look at for that it was going to happen. It was usually heralded by the sound of clattering in the sky and then the world above would turn either yellow, black or blue depending on the strength of the Chemical and then it would arrive: great drops of foul smelling thick liquid that killed everything and anything in its path. All of them knew that at the first sound of clatter they had to disperse and take cover – usually the Steel Bridge was the safest place but on that day Martha had left her kids at home while she went out to get the day’s ration and hadn’t been able to get back in time when the clatter came. It had been a horrible decision to make; risk going back and taking the kids and almost certainly dying with them or leave them to their fate and head to the Bridge. So she had made her mind up and headed to where her husband, friends and neighbours were gathering on the shiny platform that overlooked the Rim. She could always have more kids. She knew it sounded callous but she also knew she wasn’t alone in having had to make that decision – there wasn’t a soul in their community who didn’t know somebody who had not had to make the same decision she had had to and so she wasn’t vilified for it…she just had to deal with her gnawing sense of guilt.

Pushing these thoughts to the back of her mind, Martha arrived at the edge of the Rim. As always she was struck by the sheer size and beauty of it. Even though the official was talking to her as he arranged for her rations to be handed out, she had half an eye on the landscape that engulfed his tiny frame. Hundreds of feet of white dropped down to the cavern below to where the Central Lake lay still. It looked cloudy today and there were marks of grey and black starting to speckle the bottom. The community had long ago worked out that the murkier the water was the more chance there would be of Chemical Rain. Every day there were regular clouds and thunder that deposited food into the lake and this was always followed by the waterfall. The waterfall was spectacular. Thousands of cubic metres of water rushing from the cave just from beneath the Rim. It made a tremendous noise but the spray also gave the children something fun to frolic in whilst young lovers would stop and hold each other admiring the size and ferociousness of the foaming water as it gushed into the Lake. And then as soon as it started it would end and everyone would go back to their normal routines.  Such was the climate that their community was governed by. Martha played with her bottom lip thoughtfully wondering how long it would be until they have to run for cover this time and whether she ought to stay close to the bridge – she had a feeling it would be today. As she picked up her rations she headed over to the Monument of Thankfulness to pay her respects to those in the community who risked their lives daily traversing the Rim in order to glean the riches from the Lake, their only source of nourishment. It was fraught with danger because there was usually only a short period of time between food becoming available and the waterfall starting. Those that chose to do this for a living were looked after extremely well by the officials as of course, if you got caught by the waterfall,  that was the end. The Monument was covered in the names of those who had sacrificed their lives so that the community could live and it was law that once you had collected your rations, you paid your respects before going home.

As Martha headed back she sensed it before it actually began. The clatter. It was quite quiet and in the distance but grew discernibly louder very quickly. As usual it was pandemonium. Children started crying as their mothers swept them up in their arms and began scurrying towards the Steel Bridge. Martha turned on her heel and followed the crowd but as always it was a bottle neck. The officials had to tried to solve the problem by opening up new routes to the bridge but there were thousands of them trying to get to the same place. Normally Martha was able to squeeze her way past and wave at her husband who knew officals who were able to lift her up out the crowd and deposit her safely on the bridge. However, she couldn’t see him and as the seconds ticked by a knot of fear began squeezing her. In a panic she darted farther right hoping that most people would have gone to the main pathway by the Rim but the farthest path was full of schoolchildren being led up by their teachers. She was dithering when the darkness fell. Martha and the rest of her community stopped instinctively and looked up. It was black today – the deadliest of all. Martha watched in horror overcome with the fumes before the liquid fell. In the few moments before she was obliterated Martha surprised herself by smiling. She was going to see her children again.

Above the Rim and the Chemical Rain Mrs. Wainwright twisted the cap back on the black anti-humptylimescale Domestos bottle and placed it back behind the drain.

‘Richard! Your toilet was a disgrace as usual! No wonder your father refuses to use the bathroom when he visits you.’

And with that Mrs. Wainwright bustled out slamming the door behind her.

Bookcase

Just before Ashlee had to leave Ho Chi Minh City and head back to Melbourne, she told me this great anecdote about period of time when she lived with her Grandmother but there wasn’t really room for her so they fashioned a ‘bedroom’ for Ashlee behind a bookcase. I loved that idea so much I had to write a poem about it!

For Ashlee

Here, but not here;
somewhere between Alain de Botton and Theroux.
Trying to sleep
eyes tight shut
but the light filters on
shooting past fibres and glue binding
to lift your lids reminding you
that behind the bookcase is your makeshift space
within the confines of your grandmother’s living room.
Nestled snugly in quilts and musty dust
Kath and Kim’ and the ‘News at Ten’ interrupt
the strains of ‘Anna of the North’ that you were listening to.
Mind set, focused on day-dreams and night-time descents,
life behind the bookcase is
private and yet not private.
A wooden veneer between day and night;
‘A Room of One’s Own’.
Yet not.
A small partition;
a hermitage for a girl
branching out slowly into
adulthood.
A cocoon
or life raft.
A trial for what’s to come.

Bookcase